If you read my blog you probably already know Mike and I lost our baby. I was officially 17 weeks, 5 days along, and the pain and dispair I feel is unlike anything I could ever have imagined. My posts for the next while will probably be very sad and depressing, but I'm really using this as a way to get my feelings out and since my blog isn't public I know not many people will be reading it. I find all this very hard to talk about so writing is the best way to get it out for me.

It's been exactly 2 weeks since everything happened. In that two weeks so much has changed. Not only have we moved across the country to San Francisco, but I feel like I can never go back to being who I was before this happened. I've been told by other women who have gone through this that I will be happy again, but I just can't see an end to this. I do feel better each day, but I'm just surviving. Just not crying as much as the day before, but the baby and the life I had envisioned for the three of us has been ripped away from me and I can't get over it.

In the last two weeks I have felt every horrible emotion possible. I think about the baby every moment of every day and I still can't believe he/she is gone. The baby wasn't just a pregnancy to me, he/she was my baby whom I loved and still love and will always love.

It's weird to think about my life before this happened. The things I used to get upset about, the things that used to bother me all seem so trivial and I would kill to have those as my only problems. But nothing will ever change the fact that I lost my baby.

For those of you who have called or emailed, thank you so much, it really means a lot to know you're thinking of us. Sorry if I haven't gotten back to you, but I feel that I'm not ready to talk about this yet.